I just got out of an abusive relationship of 4 years, about 1 year ago. During this time I had a good female friend that was there for me through it all. Recently she's been having to leave her abusive man, claiming that I gave her courage to leave. So I am thinking... great I am so glad that I can inspire another woman to leave an abuser! This is how it began.....
I recently got in contact with a man that I have known for 11 years and had gone to High School with. We found out that we both had a crush on each other back then but neither one of us knew it. Sounds like a movie or fairytale doesn't? Well, this guy is great! I love him already. That being said, we both have a pretty healthy appetite for sex and always are willing to try new things. We agreed to have a three some, with rules of course. This is when all goes hay wire. Most of you are probably saying "Well duh!" Yeah yeah I know. Anyway... so this friend of mine comes down to my house for the weekend, after leaving her boyfriend and says she wants to get drunk and party. We all had quite a bit to drink and so we all three ended up in bed together. I wasn't too keen on the idea but I figured well, she's my best friend, this should be alright. The next night she wanted more, so I felt sorry for her (dumb I know) and allowed things to continue a second night. Then things got really uncomfortable because she began cuddling with him, while I was, when watching TV. I pulled her aside and told her that I did not want this to continue anymore and that I wanted her to back off. She said "I didn't want to either, I thought that you wanted to so that's the only reason I gave in" YEAH RIGHT! Anyway, she went back home and my boyfriend and I have been doing fine.
I have since found out that he calls her and talks to her on the phone when I am not around. He says its because he's just checking on her to make sure that she is ok dealing with everything because.... guess what she went back to the boyfriend! Surprise surprise! I have asked him not to call her anymore because I don't like the secretive crap and she is telling one of her friends, which is my friend, that she has feelings for him. He said that he wouldn't. I found out tonight that he still is talking to her. Now, I know that he's not cheating on me because they are 140 miles apart and he's with me every night. There is no way he could get to her and vise versa. Neither of them have cars. But I am not really sure what to do. My boyfriend doesn't like jealous people, but I don't like this either. I don't want to fight about it I just don't want the two of them talking anymore. I don't trust her worth a damn. What's my next move? Do I get pissed and stop being nice about it? Do I scream at him? Her? Not really sure what the right, rational thing to do is here. I don't want to turn into one of those chics that tells her man what to do but I really don't like this situation at all. I know that three somes aren't a good idea with friends, which is why I kick myself in the ass for even doing it but shouldn't she have enough courtesy to back off MY man? Shouldn't he be respectful of the fact that it makes me uncomfortable and stop calling her? How do I handle this in a mature manner, not like in high school when it's all yelling and screaming?
Comments (3)
Have you tried to reason with both of them? Tell them that you don't like that they talk behind your back? If you have I think you do need to show them you're angry about it, whether that means yelling or some other form of expression. I know that probably doesn't help, but I tried.
@cowboysbabydollx - They both know how I feel. She knew before she ever left and I have emailed her about it. She won't return my calls and refuses to talk to me. That's one of the things that makes this so hard for me. He knows how I feel but he says that he has to "protect" her and says that's why he is still talking to her. I can't get him to understand how much this hurts.
@Nemesis - What I would be asking myself is why won't she return the calls? Does she have something to hide? I would confront him with that. If you can't get ahold of her you need to work with what you got, you know?